Erroneous writing examples
1 How to Write English Good
From the Casey Stengle School of Brooklynese
- Just between you and I, case is important.
- Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
- Don't use no double negatives.
- A preposition is something you should never end a sentence with. (or as Sir Winston Churchill once said; "This is the type of nonsense up with I will not put!").
- It is always good practice to never split infinitives.
- About sentence fragments.
- Don't write a run-on sentence you have to punctuate it.
- When one is writing, it is important to maintain your point of view.
- Proofread your work. Do not tolerat mispellings!
- Watch out for irregular verbs which have croped into the language.
- Don't say the same thing more than once. It's redundant and repetitious.
- If the writer is considerate of the reader, he won't have a problem with ambiguous sentences.
- This sentence no verb.
- You should be aware of the conditional mood if you was to use it.
- The smothering of verbs is a cause of the weakening of the sentence impact.
- Avoid the utilization of enlarged words when shortened ones will do.
- Perform a functional iterative analysis on your work to root out third generation transitional buzz words.
- Make sure you hyp-henate properly.
- Sentences should be written in the active voice when giving instructions, so that the subject of the action can be identified clearly.
- Avoid the use of dyed-in-the-wool cliches.
- The defacto use of foreign phrases vis-a-vis plain English in your written tete-a-tetes makes the sentence harder to understand.
- Continuity of thought, logical development and smooth transitions are important.
- Never leave the reader guessing.
- Beware of malapropisms. They are a communist submersive plot.
- Join clauses good like a conjunction should.
- Each pronoun should agree with their antecedent.
- It has come to our considered attention that in a large majority of cases, far too many people use a great deal more words than is absolutely necessary when engaged in the practice of writing sentences.
- Be careful of dangling participles writing a paper.
2 Catching Misspilled Words with Spilling Checker
As an extra addled service, I am going to put this column in the Spilling Checker, where I tryst it will sale through with flying colons. In this modern ear, it is simply inexplicable to ask readers too expose themselves to misspelled swords when they have bitter things to do.
And with awl the other timesaving features on my new work processor, it is in realty very easy fro me to pit together a colon like this one and get it tight. For instants, if there is a work that is wrong, I just put the curse on it, press Delete and its Well sometimes it deletes to the end of the lion or worst yet the whole rage.
Four bigger problems, their is the Cat and Paste option. If there is some test that is somewhere were you wish it where somewhere else you jest put the curse at both ends and wash it dissapear. Where you want it to reappear simply bring four quarts of water to a rotting boil and throw in 112 pounds of dazed chicken. Sometimes it brings in the Cat that was Pasted yesterday. But usually it comes out as you planned, or butter. And if it doesn't, there are lots of other easy to lose options...
From IEEE Transactions on Aerospace and Electronic Systems, Vol. 26, No. 2, March, 1990; p. 209; author name n.a.
3 Examples of Unclear Writing
These sentences are taken from actual letters received by the Welfare Department from people applying for welfare or support. These actual sentences by real people illustrate the problems of unclear and ambiguous English writing.
- I am glad to report that my husband who was missing is dead.
- I am writing the Welfare Department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money?
- In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a 10-pound boy. I hope this is satisfactory.
- You have changed my little boy to a little girl. Will this make any difference?
- In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.
- This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it?
- I am forwarding my marriage certificate and eight children, one of which is a mistake as you can plainly see.
- I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children. I had seven but one died which was baptized on a half sheet of paper.
- I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell me why?
- Please find for certain if my husband is dead. The man I am now living with won't eat or anything until he knows for sure.
- Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to live an immortal life.