Mr. Obvious: The critter

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The following is a radio skit from the Bob and Tom Show, a syndicated radio show from WFBQ radio in Indianapolis, Indiana. A recurring skit involves Mr. Obvious, a fictional host of a radio call-in show, who regularly takes questions from an unnamed caller who asks questions that at first perplex Mr. Obvious, until he eventually realizes that the answer is quite obvious, and that the caller is rather unintelligent. The following skit is paraphrased from memory, as I heard it on the show in the early 1990s (c. 1992).

Mr. Obvious: The critter

Characters on a radio call-in show:

  • M = Mr. Obvious
  • C = Caller

M.     Welcome to the Mr. Obvious Show. This is Mr. Obvious, ready to take your calls. Okay, first caller. Hello, caller.
C. Hi, Mister Obvious?
M. Yes, this is Mr. Obvious. How can I help you?
C. Hi, I’m a long-time listener, and first-time caller. I just wanna say that I’m a big fan of your show.
M. Well, thank you, caller. Do you have a question?
C. Yeah. My question is this... I know this may sound strange, but I think there’s a critter living under my kitchen sink.
M. A critter? What kind of critter?
C. I dunno, Mr. Obvious.
M. Well, what does it look like?
C. I dunno, Mr. Obvious.
M. You’ve never seen it?
C. Nope, Mr. Obvious. But I’ve heard it.
M. You’ve heard it? So what does it sound like?
C. It sounds really mean. And it sounds really loud.
M. Mean and loud? Like how?
C. It makes a loud ferocious sound, like GRR-RRR-RRR-RRR-RRR! Sounds like it’s really mean.
M. Ooh, my. And you’ve never seen it?
C. Nope.
M. Have you looked under the sink?
C. Many times. But there’s nothing there.
M. Nothing, huh. Well, do you live near a rural or suburban area, caller? If you do, it could be a wild animal from the country living under the house. You know, sometimes a badger might get under your house in the crawl space.
C. I don’t think so, Mr. Obvious. We live in an apartment in the city, on the third floor. And no critters around.
M. Well, gosh. Have you ever seen any other signs of an animal? Strange smells? Animal droppings? Hair?
C. No, Mr. Obvious.
M. Hear any other animal sounds?
C. No, Mr. Obvious, just that mean growling sound, like GRR-RRR-RRR-RRR!
M. When do you hear that sound? Is it all the time, or just at night?
C. Just during the daytime and evening.
M. Really? Any particular time?
C. You know, what’s really funny, is that I only hear it when my wife’s washing dishes.
M. Washing dishes?
C. Yeah. It’s really funny. It’s like that critter growls whenever she does dishes.
M. Hmmm...
And you hear it then?
C. Yeah, it’s really loud. Like GRR-RRR-RRR-RRR. Just when she does dishes.
M. And does the noise come from under the sink, or from the walls or somewhere else?
C. It’s always from the area under the sink.
M. But there’s nothing under the sink that you can see?
C. Nope. Checked every time, and there’s nothing there.
M. Gosh, caller, I’m stumped. If you’re in an apartment, and there’s nothing under the sink, I don’t know. Have you ever heard any other noises coming from the wall?
C. No, Mr. Obvious. But speaking of the wall... You know, there’s something funny. There’s this light switch on the wall, but it doesn’t work. But it seems to make that critter angry.
M. I’m not following you, caller.
C. There’s this light switch on the wall by the sink. When my wife does dishes, she keeps trying to turn on that light. I don’t know where that light is, but wherever it is, it never works.
M. Uh-huh. And what about the critter?
C. Well, whenever she tries to turn on that light, it makes the critter angry. For some reason, that critter doesn’t like it, and it gets really angry.
M. And that’s when you hear that noise?
C. Yeah. She tries to turn on that light switch, and the critter goes, GRR-RRR-RRR-RRR.
M. And you only hear that sound when she turns on that switch?
C. Yeah. Funny, huh? I don’t know if it’s upset about the switch, or about the food waste that my wife sends down the sink.
M. Uh-huh. Okay, caller, I think I know what your problem is.
C. You do, Mr. Obvious?
M. Yeah.
C. Oh, Mr. Obvious, if you could tell me, that would be great.
M. Okay, caller. When your wife sends food waste down the sink, do you know where it goes?
C. Sure, Mr. Obvious. Under the sink there’s a big container that the pipe connects to. The food waste collects in there, just like a septic tank, I guess.
M. No, caller, that’s not what it is.
C. It isn’t?
M. No, caller. You see, what your wife uses is called a garbage disposal.
C. A garbage disposal? What’s that?
M. That thing under the sink is not a container for food waste. It is a garbage disposal. It is a machine that grinds up food waste and sends it on to the sewer system.
C. Really, Mr. Obvious? I didn’t know that. A machine that grinds garbage?
M. Oh, yes, caller. And that switch on the wall? That’s not a light switch. That’s the switch that turns on the garbage disposal!
C. Really?
M. Yes, really.
C. Wow. I didn’t know that, Mr. Obvious.
M. And that growling sound is not an animal. That’s the sound of the garbage disposal.
C. Really? But it sure is loud.
M. Of course it’s loud! It’s a high-power machine that grinds garbage!
C. Really, Mr. Obvious? Wow, I didn’t know. So there’s no critter living under there?
M. No, caller, there’s no animal there. It’s a garbage disposal.
C. Wow, Mr. Obvious. You know, you’re really great. You’re such a big help. Wow, a garbage disposal. I would’ve never guessed! Mr. Obvious, you’re a life-saver. Thank you so much.
M. No problem, caller. Good-bye. (under his breath) What a moron.
C. What’s that, Mr. Obvious?
M. I said there’ll be more on the show tomorrow. Good-bye.
C. Okay. Thanks, Mr. Obvious. Uh, Mr. Obvious, I have another question...
M. Good-bye.
C. (hangs up)