Newspaper headlines (humorous)

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Newspaper headlines

Real headlines from real US newspapers, most of them collected and published by the Columbia Journalism Review: Generally, small town or small city newspapers are not known for their writing expertise.


  1. 12 on Their Way to Cruise Among Dead in Plane Crash
  2. Arson Suspect Held in Massachusetts Fire
  3. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
  4. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
  5. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
  6. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
  7. Chinese Apeman Dated
  8. Chou Remains Cremated
  9. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
  10. Complaints About NBA Referees Growing Ugly

  11. Deer Kill 130,000
  12. Drunken drivers paid $1000 in '84
  13. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
  14. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
  15. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax
  16. Eye Drops Off Shelf
  17. Hershey Bars Protest
  18. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
  19. If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
  20. Include Your Children when Baking Cookies

  21. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
  22. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
  23. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
  24. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
  25. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
  26. Man Eating Piranha Mistakenly Sold as Pet Fish
  27. Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
  28. Miners Refuse to Work after Death
  29. Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One

  30. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
  31. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
  32. New Housing for Elderly Not Yet Dead
  33. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
  34. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
  35. Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped
  36. Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
  37. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
  38. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
  39. Shot off woman's leg helps Nicklaus to 66

  40. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
  41. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
  42. Stiff Opposition Expected to Casketless Funeral Plan
  43. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
  44. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
  45. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
  46. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Counter
  47. Two soviet ships collide, one dies
  48. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
  49. War dims hope for peace
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